Being MAGA Means Trying to Be the Shittiest Person in the Room
By The Mayor of Funkytown — Political Writer, Resistance Organizer, and Historian of How Conservatives Perfected Being the Shittiest People Alive
Being conservative is just trying to be the shttiest person in the room at this point.
Not clever. Not principled. Not even particularly competent. Just mean.
That might sound hyperbolic until you look at the evidence — the daily drip of cruelty that is now the conservative brand. This isn’t about a few bad apples. It’s the whole orchard, from the Mar-a-Lago ballroom to the county clerk’s office.
Cruelty is not a byproduct — it’s the point. And they’re not even trying to hide it anymore.
🏛 High-Profile Atrocities: The Crowned Cruelty
Let’s start at the top, because the fish rots from the head:
Donald Trump — President, felon, and authoritarian cheerleader. His governing style is an ongoing audition for the role of Strongman-in-Chief, complete with calls to jail opponents, mass deportations, and open admiration for dictators.
Ron DeSantis — Leads the national race to erase history and punish LGBTQ+ kids. Weaponizes public education as a political tool, forcing teachers into an ideological straitjacket.
Greg Abbott — Runs Texas like a private fiefdom, gerrymandering districts into absurd shapes, militarizing the border into a death zone, and using human suffering as a photo op.
These aren’t “policy differences.” They’re deliberate acts of harm, performed for political gain and the applause of a base that equates cruelty with strength.
🏘 Guy-Next-Door Cruelty: The Local Face of Malice
The genius of the modern conservative movement is that it doesn’t just rely on its figureheads. It has cultivated a grassroots army of petty tyrants who carry the gospel of meanness into school boards, county commissions, and neighborhood Facebook groups.
“You can’t teach the Bible in school while nude photos are playing on your office TV and still claim the moral high ground.”
Case in point: Ryan Walters, Republican State Superintendent of Public Instruction in Oklahoma. Already infamous for pushing religious instruction into public classrooms, he found himself in the headlines when explicit nude images allegedly appeared on a TV in his office during a livestreamed meeting. Walters blamed political enemies. But the optics? A culture-warrior caught in a deeply hypocritical — and bizarre — scandal.
In Temecula, California, conservative school board members:
Banned all flags except the U.S. and California flags (a targeted strike at Pride flags).
Removed history books that mention Harvey Milk.
Ordered teachers to “out” transgender students to their parents.
These weren’t abstract ideological moves — they were direct attacks on kids in their own community, executed by people you could run into at the local coffee shop.
In Pennridge, Pennsylvania, a Moms for Liberty–aligned school board:
Gutted diversity and equity programs.
Banned LGBTQ+ symbols in classrooms.
Rewrote curricula to sanitize America’s history of racism.
This is what “guy next door” conservatism looks like: casual authoritarianism with a smile and a “just doing what’s right for the children” excuse.
🔄 The Continuum: Cruelty Without Borders
The same energy that fuels Trump’s rallies fuels these local crusades. It’s all one feedback loop:
National leaders model cruelty — ban books, mock the vulnerable, glorify violence.
Local leaders emulate it — smaller stage, same script.
Communities fracture — and the cruelty becomes the new normal.
The conservatives winning school board elections today are the ones running for Congress tomorrow. And their record? They’re already the sh*ttiest people in the room — they’re just moving to a bigger one.
🚨 The Call to Resist
This fight isn’t just in Washington, and it’s not just every four years. It’s right now. In your zip code.
We need 2,000 paid Insurgency subscribers by September 1st to keep exposing these people — from the big fish to the smallest, meanest guppies.
Subscribe today and be part of the movement to drag every last act of conservative cruelty into the daylight.
✊ Here’s How You Fight Back:
Show up at your local school board, city council, and county commission meetings.
Support candidates who run on equity, transparency, and actual service to the community.
Call out cruelty — especially when it’s coming from “the nice guy” next door.
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#ConservativeCruelty #GuyNextDoorTyrants #InsurgencyNow #LocalPowerMatters #StopHateInOurHometowns