I Don’t Unfriend Over Politics—But I Will for Being a Trash Human
By the Mayor of Funkytown
Hey, Funkytown citizens, let me clear my throat and drop some truth: I don’t unfriend people over politics. You wanna debate tax policy, zoning laws, or whether we need a damn monorail running through town? Cool. Pull up a chair, and let’s talk infrastructure like a couple of half-buzzed civil engineers at happy hour.
But if you’re out here questioning the basic humanity of other people, I’ll be dropkicking your ass out of my orbit faster than a coke-fueled Studio 54 bouncer ejecting a suburban dad in cargo shorts.
Because see, there’s a difference between political disagreements and basic decency. And if you can’t tell the difference, let me spin this record real slow for you.
POLITICS IS:
Arguing over school funding or whether we need another light rail system nobody’s gonna ride except people who hate their cars and their lives.
Bitching about road budgets and whether the pothole on Main Street should be paved over with gold or asphalt that looks like it came from a Mad Max set.
Debating the maximum building height before it starts blocking the sun like we’re auditioning for Blade Runner 2049.
You know—normal stuff. The sausage-making of democracy. The kind of thing that gets solved by cranky city council members who smell like Folgers and regret.
And let me be clear: I don’t unfriend people over that stuff. Hell, I’ll buy you a beer if you make a solid argument. I respect anyone willing to roll up their sleeves and give a damn about policy, even if I think your ideas are trash. That’s called being an adult.
NOT POLITICS IS:
Asking if Nazis are bad. Are you for real? If you need a focus group to answer that, you’re already beyond saving.
Wondering if extortion, war crimes, or child labor are actually kinda cool if you squint hard enough. No. They’re not.
Debating if gay people, women, or Black folks are fully human or deserve equal rights. If you’re still confused, I’ll spell it out: They are. And they do.
This isn’t a political disagreement. It’s basic human decency.
If your hot take on marginalized groups makes Bull Connor’s ghost nod approvingly, you’re not making a political statement—you’re just announcing that you’re the human equivalent of gas station sushi.
THE MAGA MINDSET: BASIC HUMANITY IS DEBATABLE
And let’s not pretend we don’t know who’s leading the charge on this: #krasnov and his human chew toys.
They love to act like racism, sexism, and bigotry are just spicy political opinions that make for good cable news b-roll.
“Hey, maybe we should reconsider the whole women-voting thing,” they say, right before stuffing their faces with 11 pounds of Cracker Barrel and sobbing into their bootcut jeans.
Their entire worldview is a deep-fried festival of cruelty, dressed up as “just asking questions.”
They’ll say, “We just want to protect kids,” while they demonize trans teenagers who already have to dodge both depression and rednecks.
They’ll say, “We’re just defending free speech,” while they scream at Target employees for displaying a Pride flag.
They’ll cry about “cancel culture” as they boycott beer brands over a rainbow can.
It’s not politics—it’s being a bigoted crybaby in a tacky Let’s Go Brandon t-shirt.
I DON’T OWE BIGOTS MY TIME
Some folks think you should “stay friends” with everyone, even the hateful ones, in the name of civility. Let me crank up the volume and say this loud enough for the back row:
FUCK. THAT.
I don’t owe Nazis, racists, or homophobes my time, my attention, or my patience. I don’t need to “hear them out” or “find common ground” with people who think my friends, neighbors, and fellow veterans deserve fewer rights because of who they are.
You wouldn’t invite someone into your home if they pissed on your couch and insulted your kids. So why the hell would you invite them into your life online?
THE MAYOR’S POLICY: ZERO-TOLERANCE FOR TRASH HUMANS
Funkytown has a strict bouncer policy: if you’re a racist, sexist, homophobic jackass, you’re not getting into the club.
You can whine about “cancel culture” all you want. I call it “not tolerating human garbage.”
So no, I don’t unfriend people over politics.
I unfriend people for being trash humans.
And if that makes me intolerant of intolerance, so be it. The Mayor sleeps just fine at night.
If you dig the Mayor’s groove, subscribe and share. Funkytown needs more citizens who give a damn.
#️⃣ #FunkytownDispatch #ZeroTolerance #NoNazisNoExceptions #BasicHumanDecency #TrashHumansGetTheBoot #StayFunkyStayWoke