Lincoln Would’ve Set MAGA on Fire
By The Unredacted Bastard — Political Writer, Cultural Arsonist, Chronic Bullshit Detector
“The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present.”
— Abraham Lincoln
Let’s get one thing straight before the internet historians start foaming at the mouth again: the Republican Party of Abraham Lincoln has fuck-all to do with the cult of grievance currently waving its flag like a toddler with a sparkler.
The “party of Lincoln” talking point is the conservative equivalent of “I have a Black friend.” It’s not a defense; it’s a desperate reach across 160 years of history hoping nobody notices how much rot you’ve covered with red, white, and blue spray paint.
🧠 The Real GOP: The One Lincoln Actually Led
In 1860, the Republican platform was — brace yourself — progressive as hell.
Anti-slavery.
Pro-labor.
Pro-infrastructure.
Pro-education.
Pro-federal government intervention to build a fairer society.
Lincoln’s GOP believed in big government doing big moral things. It fought for the rights of workers, pushed for homesteads for the poor, and built railroads with public funds. It was, in modern terms, closer to Elizabeth Warren’s party than Donald Trump’s.
“Labor is prior to and independent of capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor.”
— Abraham Lincoln, 1861
If today’s GOP had met 1860’s GOP in a bar, Marjorie Taylor Greene would’ve accused Lincoln of being a communist before demanding to see his birth certificate.
🧩 The Great Switcheroo: How the GOP Sold Its Soul
People love to say, “Republicans freed the slaves!”
Yeah, and that was back when Democrats were the Southern conservative party — the ones fighting to keep those same slaves. The ideological poles flipped during the 20th century when civil rights, feminism, and progress started gaining ground.
Enter the Southern Strategy.
When Democrats under LBJ passed the Civil Rights Act, racist white Southerners fled the Democratic Party like roaches when the lights come on — and Republicans, led by Goldwater and later Nixon, held the door open.
“If you scratch a conservative, you find someone who doesn’t think anyone should get anything for free — except themselves.”
— Molly Ivins
The GOP realized it didn’t need to stand for anything. It could just stand against progress. Civil rights, feminism, labor unions, science — all became liberal boogeymen.
Then came Reagan, selling the myth that greed is patriotic and government is the enemy. By the time Trump waddled onto the scene, the Republican Party had gone full Ouroboros — eating itself while calling it freedom.
🔥 From Lincoln to Losers
Lincoln’s party freed the enslaved.
Today’s GOP wants to enslave women’s rights, LGBTQ rights, and public education.
Lincoln created land-grant universities.
MAGA wants to ban books and dismantle public schools because they make people think.
Lincoln taxed the rich to build railroads and strengthen the nation.
Modern Republicans hand billionaires tax cuts and tell working people to “get a second job.”
If you time-traveled Abraham Lincoln into a 2025 Republican rally, he’d look around, hear the crowd chanting “Trump 2024,” and say, “Oh. So this is Hell.”
“When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.”
— Sinclair Lewis
🗣️ The Moral of the Story
Stop pretending the party names never changed. History isn’t a team jersey you wear forever. Parties evolve — or in the GOP’s case, devolve — until what’s left is a caricature of everything it once stood for.
The Republicans of Lincoln’s era believed in using government to make life better. The Republicans of Trump’s era believe in using government to make certain people suffer.
And if you still think they’re the same party?
Congratulations — you’ve just flunked History 101 and Ethics 101 simultaneously.
🧷 Stay Loud, Stay Unredacted
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#history #GOP #Lincoln #MAGA #TheUnredactedBastard