Stars, Stripes, and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mayor Reads the Riot Act to Flag-Waving Fraudsters
By: The Mayor of Funkytown — Patron Saint of Raised Fists, Velvet Ropes, and Calling Bullshit When Bullshit Shows Up Wearing a Diaper
Let’s make this one personal, because it is personal.
I served in the United States Air Force. I took an oath—like millions of others—to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. And yet, here I am, a veteran who meant every damn word of that oath, being called a communist by people who couldn’t pass the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery with a cheat sheet and a miracle.
I’ve been shouted down by self-appointed patriots in lawn chairs who confuse “oath” with “obedience,” who wrap themselves in flags while they wrap their minds around authoritarian delusion. These folks didn’t just lose the plot—they set it on fire, roasted marshmallows over it, and now want a medal for liking Lee Greenwood on Spotify.
Let me be clear: if you’re a veteran and you support Donald J. Trump, you either never understood the oath you took, or you’ve betrayed it entirely. And no, I’m not talking about policy disagreements—I’m talking about pledging allegiance to a diaper-wearing authoritarian with a gold toilet and a fetish for dictators.
Don’t take my word for it—take his.
“I like people who weren’t captured.” — Trump, mocking POW and fellow veteran John McCain.
“Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers.” — Trump, speaking about fallen WWI soldiers in France, according to his staff.
“Suckers and losers.” — His go-to insult for the dead and wounded, according to multiple accounts from the Pentagon and his former aides.
And yet, somehow, he's the one you decided to follow?
You think you're defending freedom, but you're just role-playing patriotism with a side of fascism.
Let’s get something straight: Trump didn’t drain the swamp. He filled it with loyalists and crooks. He didn’t support the troops—he cut VA programs, tried to deport immigrant veterans, and refused to confront Russia after reports surfaced of bounties on U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan.
The man who called generals “dopes and babies,” who tried to use active-duty troops on civilians in D.C., who said the Constitution lets him “do whatever I want”—that’s your guy?
And I'm the communist?
Get the entire fuck out of here with that noise.
I know veterans who’ve put their bodies between protesters and riot police. I know Marines who came back from war and went straight into activism to fight voter suppression. I know retired sergeants who teach immigrant kids civics because they still believe in the American experiment. Those are patriots. Not the dudes screaming “1776!” on Facebook while storming the Capitol in January 2021 wearing Punisher skulls and tactical LARP gear.
You want to honor your service? Start by standing up for democracy.
You don’t get a pass because you once wore a uniform. Patriotism isn’t a past-tense gig. It’s not about how many deployments you had or how many patches you collected—it’s about what you do now. It’s about whether you're protecting the rights of all Americans, not just the ones who look and vote like you.
If you’re using your veteran status to silence dissent, boost a diaper dictator, and call for the imprisonment of your political enemies, you are not a patriot—you’re a bootlicker with delusions of grandeur and blood on your hands.
And I say that as someone who actually served, and who still serves—just without the need for cosplay or cult worship.
If you still think Trump’s your commander-in-chief, go ahead and reread the Constitution. Slowly. You swore to defend it—not a man, not a party, not a slogan. If you forgot that, then you’re the one who abandoned your post.
I don’t care if you served in Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, or Kansas. If you’re backing fascism, you’re not my brother-in-arms—you’re an enemy of what we fought for.
And to the rest of you—especially those who never wore the uniform but love to bark at the rest of us—let me say this: you don’t get to hijack the word “patriot” just because you fly a flag next to your “Let’s Go Brandon” banner. You don’t get to smear dissent as treason while cheering on a man who incited an insurrection and now calls for a “termination” of the Constitution to regain power.
That ain’t patriotism. That’s treason in drag.
So here’s where we leave it:
If you’re a veteran still marching behind a diaper dictator, stop pretending you’re standing for something noble. You’re not. You’re not defending liberty—you’re playing a supporting role in the downfall of democracy. And Funkytown doesn’t do enablers.
We do justice.
We do truth.
We do velvet ropes, disco lights, and the kind of patriotism that doesn’t flinch when fascism walks through the door.
If you dig the Mayor’s groove, subscribe and share. Funkytown needs more citizens who give a damn.
#FunkytownDispatch
#VeteransAgainstFascism
#DiaperDictator
#NotInMyUniform
#ConstitutionOverCult
#TheMayorHasSpoken
