Editorial Note
In 1999, Trey Parker and Matt Stone released an obscene little musical about Americans manufacturing a crisis, blaming Canada, and marching toward war. It was satire so ridiculous that nobody could mistake it for reality. Apparently, reality took that personally.
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In South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny sneak into Asses of Fire, a filthy Canadian movie starring Terrance and Phillip, and begin repeating the language. Their parents could examine their own parenting, but that sounds exhausting. Instead, they organize Mothers Against Canada, arrest the Canadian comedians responsible, and help push the United States into war with its friendliest neighbor.
The whole thing is powered by a wonderfully simple political formula. Find an embarrassing problem. Blame somebody else. Turn the blame into a movement, and keep escalating until backing down would require admitting that you were full of shit from the beginning.
The movie’s signature song, “Blame Canada,” was funny because Canada was the most harmless villain Trey Parker and Matt Stone could have chosen. It was even nominated for an Academy Award. Twenty-seven years later, the United States government has decided the joke needed tariffs and an executive order.
Blame Canada, but Make It Government Policy
U.S.-Canada trade talks collapsed on August 21. The Trump administration followed with 50 percent tariffs on roughly $20 billion in Canadian goods, while Canada announced retaliatory tariffs ranging from 15 to 50 percent on nearly $20 billion in American products. The Canadian response is scheduled to take effect September 8, which gives everyone a few more days to pretend this is somebody else’s problem. Associated Press
Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney said the American demands would have reduced important Canadian industries to subsidiaries of U.S. companies or gradually wiped them out. He said Washington also wanted limits placed on Canada’s future trade agreements and sought concessions affecting its French-language and cultural protections. Canada rejected the terms because sovereign nations generally dislike being handed surrender papers disguised as trade deals. Associated Press
Trump responded with the diplomatic sophistication of Cartman losing access to Cheesy Poofs. He returned to his threats of making Canada the 51st state, told Canadian leaders to “fall in line,” and signed an order renaming the American federal government’s Lake Ontario “Lake America.” Sheila Broflovski at least waited until the children started swearing before launching Mothers Against Canada. Trump has managed the same campaign without Terrance and Phillip releasing a sequel.
The order can’t control what Canada or international organizations call the lake. Still, it did provide the president of the United States another opportunity to autograph a piece of paper and annoy an ally. Only 14 percent of Americans support the new name, which means the policy has united the country around one clear principle: Lake Ontario was doing just fine. Reuters
Carney finally told the administration to “stop doing memes, stop throwing shade and stop trying to be tough.” That would be an embarrassing thing for one national leader to have to tell another under any circumstances. It becomes considerably worse when the adult receiving the lecture is the American president. Associated Press
The Joke Works Because the Grift Works
The movie understood something about American politics that has aged beautifully and horribly. A manufactured enemy offers politicians an escape from responsibility. They never have to solve the problem because keeping voters angry at the villain is the whole damn point.
Canada didn’t create America’s cost-of-living problems. Canada didn’t design Trump’s tariff program, start his war with Iran, or force him to spend political capital renaming part of a lake. Canada simply became available when the administration needed somebody new to blame.
That’s how the gag works in South Park. Kyle’s mother refuses to consider her own decisions, so Terrance, Phillip, and their entire country become responsible for everything. Once the lie gives Mothers Against Canada a sense of purpose, its members defend it long after the consequences become obvious.
Trump is playing the same game with higher stakes. He says the United States doesn’t need Canada while American refineries process roughly four million barrels of Canadian crude every day. Canada also supplies aluminum, potash for American farms, and parts used by an auto industry built across both countries. The two nations exchanged about $872 billion in goods and services last year, but apparently none of that counts when there’s a caps-lock post to write. Associated Press
Trump has even acknowledged that America “desperately needs” Canadian aluminum while imposing a 50 percent tariff on it. There’s your entire trade strategy in one sentence. Take something the country badly needs, make it more expensive, and call the resulting damage leverage.
Americans Get the Bill
Tariffs are taxes collected from the American companies importing the affected goods. Those businesses can absorb some of the cost, cut expenses elsewhere, or pass it along through higher prices. Canada doesn’t receive an invoice from Donald Trump and mail Washington a check with a sad maple leaf drawn on it.
In the movie, Cartman’s V-chip shocks him every time he curses. In our version, American consumers get shocked every time Trump gets angry and announces another tariff. The device isn’t implanted in our skulls. The jolt arrives at the checkout counter.
Canada’s retaliation will hit American steel, dairy products, appliances, farm equipment, seafood, clothing, cosmetics, cheese, and toilet paper. Nothing says “winning a trade war” like paying more to wipe your ass. Associated Press
Most Americans appear to understand the stupidity. A Reuters/Ipsos poll found only 20 percent supported the new Canadian tariffs, while 57 percent opposed them. The lake-renaming stunt performed even worse, with 14 percent supporting it and 63 percent opposed. Reuters
I miss when this kind of nonsense required a movie ticket and popcorn. In the cartoon version, the children form La Résistance and save the world after the adults finally see what their hysteria has created. Our resistance currently consists of an angry Canadian prime minister, 63 percent of Americans opposing the lake’s new name, and everyone quietly checking the price of toilet paper. It isn’t much, but Kyle and Stan started with less.
The South Park movie wrapped its warning in profanity, fart jokes, and an Oscar-nominated musical number. Washington heard every word and somehow mistook it for a policy proposal.
Who knew the movie was a documentary?
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, apparently.
THE RECORD
The United States imposed 50 percent tariffs on approximately $20 billion in Canadian goods after trade negotiations collapsed. Canada announced retaliatory duties of 15 to 50 percent on nearly $20 billion in American products, beginning September 8. Canada remains America’s second-largest trading partner, sends roughly four million barrels of crude oil south each day, and accounts for nearly 20 percent of total U.S. petroleum consumption. Associated Press
FROM OFF SCRIPT: THE BULLSHIT DETECTOR
Four fresh claims that wandered into traffic without adult supervision.
Iran’s Kharg Island Was Destroyed
The claim: An AI-generated video posted by Trump showed that the United States had destroyed Iran’s vital Kharg Island oil hub.
Bullshit.
Why: A U.S. official confirmed that American forces hadn’t attacked Kharg Island. Vice President JD Vance later said Trump was merely “sending a message,” which is a fascinating euphemism for a president posting fake footage of a military strike during an actual war. The real U.S. strikes targeted launchers on Larak Island. Reuters
Immigrants Caused the Measles Outbreaks
The claim: Byron Donalds blamed America’s measles outbreaks on “rampant illegal immigration” during the Biden administration.
Bullshit.
Why: Infectious-disease experts identified falling vaccination rates as the primary driver. About 94 percent of confirmed 2026 cases involved people who were unvaccinated or whose vaccination status was unknown. Investigators found no data connecting the outbreaks to undocumented immigrants, while past tracing has often led back to unvaccinated Americans returning from overseas. PolitiFact
Trump’s Border Policies Caused Maine’s Overdose Decline
The claim: JD Vance said drug overdoses fell in Maine because the Trump administration “sealed the border.”
Bullshit.
Why: Maine’s fatal overdose decline began before Trump returned to office. Deaths dropped from 2022 to 2023, again in 2024, and another 20 percent in 2025. Researchers credit several factors, including wider access to naloxone and treatment, changes in the fentanyl supply, and expanded prevention efforts. Vance arrived after the decline started and tried to climb into the team photo. PolitiFact
That Imported Beef Might Be Horse Meat
The claim: Viral posts warned that beef sold in American supermarkets might secretly come from horses purchased from the federal government and slaughtered overseas.
Bullshit.
Why: The United States doesn’t import horse meat for human consumption, and selling horse meat labeled as beef is illegal. Imported meat is inspected, labeled, and subject to laboratory testing. As of August 25, the USDA had issued no recall involving horse meat masquerading as beef, and investigators found no evidence that the supposed supply chain existed. PolitiFact
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One Question Before You Go
When did America’s treatment of Canada stop looking like negotiation and start looking like political theater?
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