Emergency Session Convened To Determine Where The Hell All The Money Went
The Ministry of Common Sense Opens An Investigation Into Missing Grocery Money
BASTARDONIA CITY — The Ministry of Common Sense has opened a formal investigation into one of the nation’s most enduring mysteries.
Consumers are paying more for food. Farmers are earning less for producing it. Everybody involved insists they’re under pressure, yet nobody can explain where all the money is going.
After reviewing grocery receipts, farm invoices, fuel bills, and utility statements, investigators reached a unanimous conclusion.
The math appears to be drunk.
To assist with the investigation, Bastardonia assembled a task force consisting of angry shoppers, frustrated farmers, three retired accountants, and one grandmother who remembers when twenty dollars could fill an entire grocery cart.
Early reports suggest the grandmother is carrying the entire operation.
Government economists attempted to reassure citizens using charts and forecasts. Citizens responded by holding up grocery receipts and asking whether any of the economists had purchased eggs recently.
The economists have requested additional time.
The receipts remain unconvinced.
At press time, investigators confirmed the missing money was definitely not hiding in anyone’s savings account.
Hail Bastardonia!
Today’s Bastardonia Fact
The Bastardonian Invoice Ferret can locate three missing dollars in a household budget in under thirty seconds but refuses to explain how.
Weather Report
Hot with a 100% chance of somebody explaining why inflation is under control.
Currency Exchange
One Bastardonian Dollar currently converts to a single banana and a brief moment of optimism.
Exchange rates remain subject to sudden emotional damage.
For additional details, citizens are encouraged to review today’s full investigation:
THE RURAL COST-OF-LIVING REVOLT